yours sincerely,Samantha

entry title:

Happy birthday to me!!~

1st of all,am so sorie to myself coz i didnt post this yesterday!! >.<

Well,was a great day yesterday =) Like tiz poem from my godsis:

December sunlight floats and falls,
Like soapsuds on the castle walls,
Then June came out with this baby girl,
She was so cute that she could swing the world,
Wow!She's now already 20,
But still collecting posters of Mr.Bean,
Isn't that childish of Miss Yee Chen?
But she's smart,especially at fooling me!
Anyways,this girl always wants it her way,
But we'll give in to her since it's her.....TWENTIETH BIRTHDAY,HAPPY BDAY,SIS! =P

So creative eh?By the way,i dont collect posters of Mr.Bean.Hahas...

Also,sorie that i did not update on the university application stuffs..So some of you might think i'm still waiting for the results.But actually i got into UTM at johore!And offered the course computer science~ *cheers* =D

WARNING: Those who are feeling sad leaving home for university please do not read on as it might make you wanna commit suicide.

I should feel lucky and thankful that i get a good uni and course.But i'm not feeling happy at all.Being a homely person i dont like the idea of leaving the house though some may say Johore is not as far as those who got Sabah.There's still another 8 days to go before my departure and i can imagine myself crying the night before.Or i can cry every night from now so that there'll be no more tears to shed on that day.Sort of numb.*sigh*

Can i choose not to go?First,my dad will kill me.Second,my friends will kill me.Ok,crap,how can i die twice?Anyway,the point is,i've got no choice but to go.Couldn't sleep last night.Thought about a lot of stuffs.Actually Johore is not far for me as i've been travelling to Spore lots of times to visit my sis.I even went there alone once.But this is not the same.Visiting my sis is only like a vacation where i spent at most one week there.Then i come back to the hometown i love so much,to those familiar faces,to my bed.Going there to study means i only can come back after like,3 months or so.

*SIGH*

The problem with me is i just can't accept new things.New environment,new friends,new lifestyle.Oh god how i hate changes.If i could,i just want to live a normal life,find a 9-5 work,and just be near to my family and friends.But i have to think of my parents.They want to see me more sucessful than that.But for me,all this doesn't matter.We only live once,what important is to be happy and happy for me is being with people i love.But then someone make me realise i think too much.Geez...It's only three years!I'll only be away from home for three years.After that i can come back and work here.Still,there's a lot troubling me.Will everything still be the same when i come back?

Well,have you ever thought what will this world look like in another...ten years,perhaps?Or twenty?Those pop songs and music we love now,those hairstyles we think are cool now,will not be cool anymore that time.Then the younger generation might start listening to something we dont understand like how our parents dont understand our "Rock" music.Those place we used to hang out with our friends might be flattened out by bulldozer.

Some of you might think "So what's the problem with all this?"

It all sounds normal to you but not to me.I'm scared.I'm afraid of changes especially those that involve all of us.Something like a revolution.I'm not sure why and what is this feeling i had coz everytime i think about those,i got so scared that i feel that i'm suddenly lost.Few nights ago,i sat in Secret Recipe talkin to PL about this and suddenly i feel like i dont know myself,nor do i know her.I look outside and couldnt stop imagining seeing flying cars instead of bicycles and motorcycles on the road.And i turned to look at PL and had this feeling that she,too,might disappear the very next time i blink my eyes.

And then the thoughts of death came to my mind.What is the purpose of life?If at the end we must die?When we die,there's nothing left of us in this world.Like it's disappearing with the moving rythm of the world.So why then we do so much of things in life?Why God put me into this world to wait for the day i die?

This is what a brain can do when still awake at 2a.m. every night(oops...every morning).With so much things on my mind,i've been having weird dreams every night,that mornings are always a daze to me.

Guess i have to stop here and hope i wont think so much anymore to prevent having migraine.Hope this entry doesnt bring headache to those who read it. =D

ADIOS~

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